You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
