What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
