I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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