what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
