every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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