I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
