Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
