R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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