Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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