God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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