apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
