It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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