After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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