Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
