his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
