How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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