bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
