i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize