fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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