i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
