3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize