Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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