I wannas sexs uuuuu
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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