dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it glows. i had to have it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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