smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
