I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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