So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
