I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
