he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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