I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
