we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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