I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.