but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?