Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.