Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.