IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
