You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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