guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
