so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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