I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
