my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
