Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
PANTIES FOUND
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