PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
