Ambien. No doubt about it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
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i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
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Everclear isn't food dammit
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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