Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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