sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
