just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize