I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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