two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Michael Bay diarrhea
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
