i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
