I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize