I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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