I'm really into asian looking animals
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Randomize
