Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
