Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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