Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
