Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just google imaged poop.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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