Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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