So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
