I think I am morally bankrupt
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
