i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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