How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
