That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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