I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
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I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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